As far back as I can remember, I never saw myself as fat. I saw myself simply as Kenyatta -- bold, brilliant and amazing. One of the defining moments in my life as a fat girl was in college. Imagine being the biggest girl on your floor…the 3rd floor at that. I checked into my dorm Dodge Hall on the campus of Livingstone College and was so excited. My folks were glad to see me go off to college and do great things. They helped me move my things in and get settled. Like most people you’re unsure of how things are going to be. You’re “fresh meat” and new to college life. Where I came from too many girls in one place was not going to end well.
For the most part things went very well. Each floor had 10 rooms with two ladies in each room. There was one main bathroom with three toilet stalls and three shower stalls. All the ladies on my hall were considered skinny weighing in around 145 pounds or less. The first few weeks of school I noticed a pattern with the ladies on my hall. They were always almost half naked and some completely were naked and comfortable in their skin. They would go to the bathroom topless, in towels or opened robed. I watching thinking to myself “here I am trying to be the respectful young lady my parents raised and these chicks get to walk around naked!” No ma’am! So I got myself together and joined in the fun. I stopped trying to cover up my juiciness; I stopped trying to be what I thought was respectful and I just relaxed in the fact they were paying me no attention whatsoever. I was walking around half naked just like they were. Let me just say this was the best time of my life! Thinking back, my college experience really helped shape and prepare me for this movement. Being forced to face the fact that my body was my body and my body was beautiful even at 300 pounds made the difference for me. So I walked around like the skinny girls and they accepted me because I accepted myself. Before you knew it my floor mates knew one thing about Kenyatta -- “She’s crazy, she’s real and she loves to be half naked too!”
Don’t get me wrong…my message will never promote being overweight as an excuse not to be healthy. The reality is most women who are overweight have other underlying medical issues which go undiagnosed. Many women have been through traumatic experiences causing emotional eating disorders and other unhealthy habits. A lot of us need professional interventions but for fear of judgment we would rather cover up the pain. On the other end, there are some who just don’t know how to maintain their weight (like me!) I do good to eat once a day and twice if I am thinking about it. Eating a full meal is not always on my agenda. I also have a major problem with sweets. Sweets are my weakness! Both are things I can work on and master with consistency. Y’all stay tuned for that update LOL!
So as we go into this Cute& Curvy Spring season, DON’T BE AFRAID to be who you are in the body you have. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. I encourage each of you to get one on one with yourselves and love on you. Treat the woman in the mirror like a queen and give her permission to rock out this spring. Get out of the dark clothes…they don’t make you look smaller. Get out of the house…the house makes you fat (HA!) and get out of your head and out of your own way! Fear is not your friend. Challenge yourself to try new things and if you need a push find a friend and support each other in your efforts to do so.
Take the Cute & Curvy Challenge! Every day of spring, write down one thing you did that made you feel good about yourself. Keep a journal and track your progress. If there is something reflecting in your mirror you don’t like, find three ways to help you begin to change the reflection. You no longer have permission not to deal with you issues. You no longer have permission not to live your best life. You no longer have permission to care about others opinions of yourself more than what you think of you. You do however have permission to LOVE YOU. You have permission to WEAR COLORS. You have permission to keep yourself looking FLY & FAB. You have permission to BE FREE.
There was a period in my life where I allowed my size and other’s opinions of me to keep me from doing things I always wanted to do like dance, travel, wear a bathing suit and go on the beach. I would not allow myself to have fun and be in places where I thought people could see me hiding because of my size. Then I made a decision to be beautiful, to be big, to be fabulous and to love me even when no one else would. Then and only then did my life start to change for the better. Is every day perfect? NO! But every day I get better and better because I am OK with who God made me to be. My purpose has always been to help others. So I hope this has helped you understand you are more than your weight. Be Beautiful. Be You. Be Inspired.
Be Cute & Curvy,
Welcome to Kay's Korner..I hope you connect, create and find transparency, love and encouragement here. I am here for you and me! Let's make everyday worth living.