My Fat Girl Confession:
I have been a big girl most of my adult life. The Yo-Yo weight has been a problem since 2005. I was diagnosed with Crohns decease 2004 and lost over 100lbs. I thought I was going to die; it took the medial professionals almost a year to diagnosis me. They finally got the right doctor, diagnosis and medications... praise God I am still here.
2006 ended my college relationship with someone I loved deeply, and thought would be my forever. Shortly after, I decided this was the perfect time to go away to grad school. I moved to Washington, D.C. and life was good for a change. I keep my weight down. Living in the city was good for me. It was nothing to walk 10 blocks or more a day. Every corner had healthy food options and if you ate something that wasn’t too heathy, by the time you walked home, to work or the train depot you burned those calories right off. I had active friends and family. The whole situation was just better, but then life hit and I was reminded of my auto-immune disease.
2009 I was forced to moved back to NC during a very bad Crohns flare. I could not take care of myself, couldn’t walk and steps were a NO-NO. After returning to NC - BOOM – the weight I was able to keep off in the city is back. 2014-2015, I drop 100lbs over the span of a year and BOOM – maybe a year later I gained it right back. Present day, I’m at the heaviest weight I’ve ever been (which is frustrating) however, I decided about 40 days ago that I deserve the best of me.
What does that mean? I evaluated my habits, triggers and patterns. The thing that stuck out the most was my need to help, serve and be there for others. I have a long history of taking care of everyone else BUT ME.
I read a book (I read a lot now) that talked about Yo-Yo weight. The author talked about how there are different ways to sow and reap. I love the art of sowing and reaping so this got my attention. The author suggested sowing self-control into your spirit and asking God to show you triggers with food and allow Him to heal you.
When I read this, a light went off and I said this can work. No matter what you sow you will reap (that's the law). So, every time my mind starts thinking about foods I can’t have or that aren’t good for me, I say “I deserve the best of me and I right now I choose to sow self-control into myself”. True enough, it works. Renewing my mind has been very helpful. This new revelation about sowing and reaping really blessed me and I hope it will bless you as well.
If you struggle with yo-yo weight or weight at all, you are not alone. 80% of people who have lost weight regain all of it or more after two years. Not very encouraging however, knowledge is power. In order to do better you have to know better and once you know better and do better you can reach back and teach someone else. It’s the circle of life.
I am committed to giving myself the best of me no matter what it takes. I have stopped doing a lot of things I did before because I need me right now. And the truth is no one is going to take better care of me than me besides my mama. Which is why, for now, it’s all about me.
Being fat was never a big deal, I mastered how to be fat. Now I am ready to master being healthy. Weight has been my number one struggle my entire life. I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I don’t gamble, I don’t smoke but I do love a good piece of cake LOL.
No matter what your thing is, choose to love you more and sow into yourself. Help you, save you, sow into you; they say life is short and they are right. Make every day the best day of the rest of your life and give yourself the best of you each and every day.
Here’s to us learning, growing and changing so we can live and lead full lives. I hope I have earned the pleasure of your time. I am always grateful when you stop by my blog. Be sure to comment and share.
Power Payer - Father, thank you for loving me when we didn’t’ know how to love myself. Thank you for giving me another chance to get it right. Help me Lord to seek you first in all I do, say and eat. Give me a hunger for heathy living. Change my taste buds and give me strength to sow goodness, self-control, kindness and self-love in my souls and body that I might reap a great harvest which leads to a long and full life. In the Mighty name of Jesus, Amen.
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